Human Resources Department: The Real Weapons of Mass Destruction

If I were to characterize the politics of the typical corporation, the archetypal Republicans would be Program Managers, and the archetypal Liberals would be the HR department. You see they mean well, but somehow they end up doing so much harm.

When I was in line management, I—along with everyone else—labored under the burden of the dreaded bi-annual employee “merit review.” The HR department felt that every performance problem, injustice, and hurt feeling could be resolved if the right procedures were adopted. So the forms got longer and longer, and the manager became more and more of a career counselor and parole officer.

Then, in the late eighties, HR consultants were hired to “fix” a problem organization by firing everyone in management and then conducting some kind of popularity contest to see who got their jobs back. Now the tables had really been turned, management was not evaluated on what they accomplished, but on how they made you feel.

Last summer came my moment of Zen: I was visiting my nephew, who holds a senior management position in a London bank acquired by a huge French conglomerate. Two things had happened at the bank:

1. All the senior management was replaced by French counterparts overnight.
2. The new senior management treated the rest of the organization like badly cooked zucchini.

My nephew had just returned from an HR management retreat weekend where all issues were aired and all problems resolved. And as it happens, his daughter—who was studying HR management—was home. During a lively dinner conversation, my nephew recounted how he was sat down in front of his very vain and arrogant boss and asked, “Now tell Monsieur LeJackasse what you dislike about his management style, and the reasons that you find him difficult to work with”.

My nephew, who is nobody’s fool, and not coincidentally still has a very well-paid position in the bank, responded that he found it difficult to work for Mr. LeJackasse because he was such a perfectionist and set such high standards that he was a difficult act to follow. Of course, he really thought he was an insufferable incompetent whose intelligence compared unfavorably with a wet cardboard box, and who had his ample nose firmly implanted in the rear of the bank president.

The dinner table promptly divided into two vehemently-opposed groups—HR managers and real life managers—regarding the validity of the weekend retreat. And that was when I had my moment of revelation:

1. HR people are not stupid, in fact, most of them are very smart.
2. They are not deliberately malicious, because they truly mean well.

The reality is they have never had contact with the realities of the workplace from our side of the fence. They believe in a fantasyland where everyone is earnestly trying to do exactly what is in their job description; where the best and brightest get promoted, and no-one plays politics. Because that’s what the books say and their teachers teach. And why is that? Because their teachers were taught from the same books. Have you ever met a competent manager who decided to go and teach or write about HR? Of course not! It is a self-perpetuating delusion.

My favorite management guru, Robert Townsend in “Up the Organization”, devoted exactly two sentences to the Human Resources Department: Get rid of it. Hire a good administrator in every department and make that part of their duties.

So remember there is some truth in the aphorism:

“Those who can… do. Those who can’t… teach. Those who can’t teach… go into HR.”